As the end of the semester draws near, I've begun to realize that it's been a while since I've made a connection with a girl to the extent of "I wanna get to know you for the sake of pursuing a relationship with you." Sure, my first two -- or should I say last two -- attempted relationships exploded like a land mine in 'Nam mostly due to my own ineptitude, but that doesn't mean I haven't learned since then. I suppose if my mistakes were to fall into darkness and fade into black, I wouldn't have them to learn from. I've never experienced a Christmas with a significant other, which could be either good or bad, but it'd be nice to have that experience just once. It's not my fault none of the girls at my school interest me. I'd talk to 'em more if they did. That and I don't go about actively seeking a relationship because doing so would make me come across as needy. I figure I'll continue to worry about what I need to focus on and let some poetic romance or what have you come later. That way, in God's timing, I'll get something better than I expected, which I imagine as being very passionate and powerful. A sense of emotional vulnerability -- in a good way -- that my future true love and I share appeals to me for some reason. I'm not sure how much of a realistic expectation that is, but a little empathy goes a long way. And if my future true love were to go away for a while, not only would I miss her, but I'd also miss the moments that we haven't shared together. That'd probably make me feel motionless and white with a sense of security about it all.
I've been talking to a girl from the Philippines sort of for fun. She considers us to be friends, which is fine with me because I'm not sure if I like her not. She was
concerned when Sandy hit, though, even though it didn't hit me. Regardless, maybe that meant something that I didn't quite catch, which has to do with the fact that's damn near impossible to convey emotion the internet. I enjoy talking to her and we do relate in some ways, but if we ever do meet, if God so desires, it probably won't be for a while. Who knows? She could be the kind of girl that'd be willing to fly a million miles just to see me smile at her, which would be OK with me.
I'm not sure what to do with these feelings other than write about them because it's good to get 'em out even if no one reads this.