Moved by faith:

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

Having recently tied that verse to memory, I've been reflecting on it a lot lately and it's made quite a difference in my walk. I was driving home from school on Tuesday and I was thinking about how faith isn't hoping about that God can -- it's knowing that He will. Now I've come to the conclusion before that faith is very much a living, breathing, and active thing and the intimate moment with the Holy Spirit I had the other day while driving home reaffirmed that. The moment lasted most of the drive home and the way I felt His touch was a result of my reflection. His touch choked me up inside and I'm not sure what it meant other than the fact that the Holy Spirit was reaffirming the fact that faith is very much a living, breathing, and active thing. I have been trusting in Him that this girl and I that I've talking to off this Christian dating site will meet in August, so maybe that moment I had had something to do with that. She did say she wanted to meet about a month or two ago, so I can see how God has been working in it so far, which I continue to acknowledge. Regardless of when we do meet, though, I don't think it's a coincidence that we crossed paths and I do think He wants us to meet. Also, with regards to faith, one can never really know for sure, but that doesn't mean that one should give up on trusting in God for something because it's in His timing and because He knows what's best for His people. It's best to let Him worry about the details anyway. Since one can really know for sure, that aspect is kind of paradoxical because as I said, faith isn't hoping about that God can -- it's knowing that He will. Christianity at it's heart is paradoxical, though, but that's not gonna discourage me from following Christ.

Headspace:

As the end of the semester draws near, I've begun to realize that it's been a while since I've made a connection with a girl to the extent of "I wanna get to know you for the sake of pursuing a relationship with you." Sure, my first two -- or should I say last two -- attempted relationships exploded like a land mine in 'Nam mostly due to my own ineptitude, but that doesn't mean I haven't learned since then. I suppose if my mistakes were to fall into darkness and fade into black, I wouldn't have them to learn from. I've never experienced a Christmas with a significant other, which could be either good or bad, but it'd be nice to have that experience just once. It's not my fault none of the girls at my school interest me. I'd talk to 'em more if they did. That and I don't go about actively seeking a relationship because doing so would make me come across as needy. I figure I'll continue to worry about what I need to focus on and let some poetic romance or what have you come later. That way, in God's timing, I'll get something better than I expected, which I imagine as being very passionate and powerful. A sense of emotional vulnerability -- in a good way -- that my future true love and I share appeals to me for some reason. I'm not sure how much of a realistic expectation that is, but a little empathy goes a long way. And if my future true love were to go away for a while, not only would I miss her, but I'd also miss the moments that we haven't shared together. That'd probably make me feel motionless and white with a sense of security about it all.

I've been talking to a girl from the Philippines sort of for fun. She considers us to be friends, which is fine with me because I'm not sure if I like her not. She was
concerned when Sandy hit, though, even though it didn't hit me. Regardless, maybe that meant something that I didn't quite catch, which has to do with the fact that's damn near impossible to convey emotion the internet. I enjoy talking to her and we do relate in some ways, but if we ever do meet, if God so desires, it probably won't be for a while. Who knows? She could be the kind of girl that'd be willing to fly a million miles just to see me smile at her, which would be OK with me.

I'm not sure what to do with these feelings other than write about them because it's good to get 'em out even if no one reads this.